The Weak In Rock

Such a strange feeling overcame me this morning as I read about Johnny Damon signing with the Yankees - I actually started to like the Yankees. You see anyone who makes Red Sox fans miserable gets mad props from me. Like I’ve said before, the Yankees are merely metaphorically evil while the Red Sox are genuinely evil.

Apparently the so-called Red Sox Nation is up in arms. Someone even posted Damon’s soul for sale on eBay last night (eBay naturally took the posting down, since they’re obviously Yankees fans). All I can say is MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Wouldn’t it be lovely if they actually traded Manny too? How bad would the Red Sox suck next year without a leadoff hitter (and great center fielder) and the most dangerous power hitter in the AL?

Now if Theo Epstein was still GM of the Red Sox he’d just shrug and say “so what folks, we’ve got a great farm system, loads of prospects and the smarts to know how to fix the holes in our club without having to sell the farm.” Then he’d do something inspired like sign Eric Byrnes (who was non-tendered by the Orioles yesterday) who mashes lefty pitching and covers more ground in the outfield than practically anyone on two legs, and does it in a way that entertains the hell out of the fans. He’d also point out that the Yankee pitching staff is still largely composed of geriatrics who let them down in a big way last year, and that the one guy who shined on the mound for them, Aaron Small, has still not been offered a deal.

But alas for the Red Sox fans, Theo left the building months ago. So probably the team that makes the most hay out of this is the Blue Jays, who’ve made lots of smart off-season moves, were pretty darned good last season to begin with, and who have a GM who wants to win NOW.

I’ll look forward to watching the Red Sox twist in the wind in 2006.

I thought I’d just run through an assortment of items today, since being at work and it being Monday and all seem to have thoroughly scrambled my noodle…

Ricardo Rincon has truly and finally left the building folks. He’ll now be giving St. Louis Cardinals fans the fits in late innings instead.

Hopefully my stomach lining will recover from all those years of that little butterball waddling out onto the mound in order to throw just the wrong pitch at just the wrong time to just the wrong guy. Now Ken Macha (spit) will have to figure out a new way to obsess on lefty/right match-ups. I’m quite sure he’s up to the task.

As my ex is fond of saying, in men’s sports, it’s really all about the showers after the game folks. Don’t believe me, read up about the locker room hijinks of the Bulgarian state soccer team. Oh, and don’t miss the bit about the goat.

Anyone who has spent enough time listening to me prattle on and on over the past few years will find this story familiar. I completely agree - we’ve got it pretty easy nowadays compared to, say the mid 1860s when the shit was thoroughly and completely hitting the fan on a daily basis and just about the only thing surgeons were good at was amputating limbs. The 20 year old student in the linked article above who thinks we’ve got it toughest now probably never considered little details like, say, having to go outside in the cold to take a crap or keeping a bowl under your bed in the event you need to take a wizz in the middle of the night. Perspective people, please.

Add to the list of things my generation has ruined - Nyquil. The makers of Nyquil, bullied by the Federal Government’s current fixation on Meth addicts have eliminated psuedoephedrine from the once mega-effective over the counter cold remedy.